There is a Buddhist fable about a man’s son who captured a strong and beautiful horse.  The people in the village were very jealous of his great fortune and told him how lucky he was.  He replied, “we shall see.”  Soon after the horse threw his son and the young man broke his leg.  The people in the village told him how cursed he was and he patiently replied again, “we shall see.”  After the son broke his leg soldiers came and took all the able bodied young men but the man’s son was spared.  The people in the village reminded him of his good fortune.  His reply, “we shall see.”

The fable shows how quickly our fortunes can change.  As we all travel through life we all encounter many joys and many problems.  This was brought into high relief for me this week while I watched my son compete in the Michigan Open golf tournament.  And although the game of golf is really only a metaphor for real life problems it does demonstrate that for every up there is a down.  And it’s not so much counting on getting more ups but seeing the downs as opportunities.   My son had one spectacular round of 66 and the next day bombed with a 79.  He said the perfect round had not prepared him for the difficulties of the following day. 

The Dali Lama once said, “The universe is in a constant state of becoming an ongoing miraculous creation.  Every day we awaken to that miracle with gratitude, respect, and compassion for all who share the gift of being.”   When we learn to cultivate acceptance rather than anger or frustration for those times when things aren’t going well we can begin to see our problems in different way.  We can begin to see them as just another part of our creation that natural ebb and flow in this world of duality. 

Problems challenge us to get out of things, to fix them.  But sometimes we need to examine the idea of fixing, especially when it relates to fixing others.  We need to question our concepts about how we want things to be and what we want people to become.

If we can let go of some of our thinking we will see that some problems can be solved, some cannot and some are best left alone.   Watching my son struggle through this tournament I know that the best we can ever do is to support the people we love.  Each one of us faces our own individual journey through life alone but we can travel together bound by our loving support.

As teachers everywhere end their school year my wish is they embrace this journey and give each other this loving support.  

This past week has been a difficult one for me.  I developed cellulites on my shin after contacting poison ivy.  All of this came about doing what I love most, gardening.  Needless to say this has curtailed my normal routine and limited my activity.  For the first time in my life I’ve been to the doctor twice in the same week.

Unfortunately during this episode I abandoned my own practical wisdom.  Instead of practicing patience and slowing down I ranted at myself for my own carelessness in not attending to the first signs.  This derailed me and it wasn’t until last night watching an HBO special that I felt a shifting of my self-criticism.  The program is titled “Smile Pinky” and it tells the story of two children who are ostracized and ridiculed for their cleft lips.  Until they meet a social worker who travels from village to village locating children with this deformity. The documentary is the story of the smile train a non-profit organization dedicated to helping children in developing countries.  It follows these two remarkable children in their journey from isolation to acceptance. Experiencing someone else’s malady even through the medium of TV reminded me how important it is to see my feelings as just another thought and to recognize it. 

The criticism sandwich is a widely practiced managerial technique.  It’s simple: structure constructive criticism between praise, just like a sandwich with the praise on the top and bottom.   It’s candy coating the message but it is extremely effective in getting the desired result.  And who among us doesn’t like our bad medicine to be just a bit sweeter?

This week I needed to construct my own criticism sandwich. My self-criticism had no useful purpose. It only gave me more fuel for my own pity party. 

Watching the program humbled me and shifted my emotions away from myself, I experienced empathy and in doing so put things in the right perspective.

I intend to use the criticism sandwich next time I stumble into the unexpected.  Doing this will allow me to connect to the important things and move away from the trivial.   Instead of just being destructive in my self-analysis I can be positive and more productive.

Finding yourself in an unwanted situation is always difficult but knowing how to mange it will center you and pull you out of a slump.  So today make yourself a nice sandwich and be generous with the praise.

You can support the Smile Train at:

Smile Train - Dept. Mag.

PO Box 96231

Washington Dc 20090-6231

The story goes that one-day while sick in bed his father brought him a compass.  Albert Einstein was mystified when he learned that the needle of the compass would always point to the north.  He examined the needle and wondered what powers lie behind it.  That was the beginning of his journey.

Sherry Turkle professor at MIT says all scientists are born in childhood.  For the past thirty years she begins all her classes by asking students to write about their path towards science.  They all share a common intellectual curiosity about the way things work.  She recalls one student who wrote about braiding the hair on the tail of her little pony doll.  She was completely absorbed in the task and practiced it for hours.  Dividing the hair over and over.  The repetition testifies to the importance of studying objects in the development of understanding how things work.

Children are drawn to they mystery of science by sand castles, by playing with marbles, by taking apart broken things.  This investigation is really the manipulation of learning the mechanism.  I have to wonder if schools are using this natural curiosity to teach children greater truths?  If children are only being fed bite sized morsels of information that are quickly memorized and just as quickly forgotten then they are missing the opportunity to discover. 

Hands on learning allows children to experience ideas first.  The old saying goes; it is better to teach a man how to fish than to simply give him fish.  For most schools the current curriculum largely gives children fish without teaching them a thing about how to fish for themselves. 

Psychologists recognize that we are not particularly good memorizers.  Most of us have a shaky grasp of logic, tend not to examine our beliefs and only notice data that support our theories.  The problem is not that children can’t find information it’s that they lack the skills to evaluate it. 

This is why hands on learning is so critical.   Hands on gives children direct experience and trial and error process that demands they start over and learn from past mistakes. The long-term goal of schools should be to give their students a sort of users guide to knowing about how they learn.  This guide will teach them the architecture of the mind, what it does well and what it doesn’t.  Instead of emphasizing facts students will learn how to evaluate evidence, consider their own biases and use logic and reason to make choices. 

Systematic changes are necessary if our schools are to thrive.  What do we really want?  My hope is for children to step back and notice the world just like Albert Einstein did and appreciate the miracle they really are. 

In his book the “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” author Stephen Covey writes how our paradigms correct or incorrect are the source of our attitudes, behavior and ultimately our relationships.  He tells the story about a man riding the subway in New York on a Sunday morning.  The man is sitting quietly reading his newspaper when a father enters with three noisy children.  The children are talking loud, throwing things at each other, and bothering other passengers.  Their father seems indifferent to all the confusion.  Finally the man cannot bear another minute of their disturbance and asks their father to do something about his children.  The man lifts his gaze and says, “you’re right I should do something but I don’t know what, you see I just came from the hospital my wife just died.”

This information changed the thinking and behavior of subway traveler immediately.  He moved from anger to compassion to empathy.  What he experienced was a paradigm shift. This kind of quantum shift in thinking allows us to form new attitudes and behaviors.  It can change the way we see the world. 

Our picture of the world is basically our assumptions.  We all tend to make assumptions about everything.  We believe what we believe simply because we believe it.  This leaves little room for doubt and also creates the perfect mental environment for being offended and hurt.   This mental flaw is responsible for a lot of the chaos and misunderstanding that our minds create. 

The first time I heard the story about the subway rider I identified with him because I had done the same thing many times myself.  I had formed many opinions before asking questions, before knowing more.   It takes a disciplined mind to change the way you think.  In a classroom a disciplined mind is critical because the opinion and judgment of the teacher directly influences the success of the students. 

The more aware the teacher becomes of his or her basic paradigms, maps or assumptions the more he or she can take responsibility for them, examine them and test them against reality.  And in doing this gain a larger picture and a more objective view.   When you stop making assumptions you will communicate freely and clearly and become truly impeccable with your word.  This type of honesty will strengthen and nurture every single relationship you have.

There is no more powerful way to improve an organization than by creating an environment, which supports these principles.  Individuals will recognize that their contributions are part of the strength of that organization and will be motivated and inspired to continue to do more.   An organization that honors this thinking is committed to the principle of potential.  The idea that we are all embryonic and can grow and develop releasing more potential and more talents. 

Every school seeking new ways to improve must first look at the character of their shareholders and then tap into that potential.   We can all change our mind, change our thinking and to paraphrase Einstein, “when you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.” 

It’s easy to identify failure, it’s much harder  to identify success.  Success is not always predictable but it does align itself with certain principles. 

In education sometimes success is attributed to the wrong factors.  All children do not come to school standing at the same start line.  Some are not even really in the race but are expected to finish just the same. 

For thirteen years I supervised a disciple program in a middle school and on any given day I faced the challenge of mediating and reconciling the anger and arguments of fighting students.  Any success I hoped to achieve depended on one thing; creating a peaceful environment where everyone felt safe, where everyone felt heard and where there would be no judgment. 

There were many critics in my school.  Without judgment they argued there could be no punishment, there could be no justice.  They felt I was creating a system that forgave and did not demand responsibility.  But what is punishment for a child if there is no opportunity to learn from the mistake, if there is no lesson learned?

It didn’t take long for me to discover that fighting was a result of not being accepted, of not being respected and loved.  The root cause of these disputes were simple; children who did not have this most basic need satisfied would find another way to get what they needed.  Unfortunately that other way was not socially acceptable nor was it sustainable.

One particular day late in May I had seven boys all who had initiated some sort of aggressive behavior.  These boys all had a reputation to defend and would test the limits all day with each other and me.  Experience warned me that spring fights were the worst mostly because everyone was tired of dealing with the problem.  There was no tolerance or desire to play head doctor so I knew to expect little support from other adult staff.   What I needed first was to stay centered and find the peace I needed inside.  I had to rely on that deep reservoir of calm to create the right balance of leadership and kindness.

I had a simple plan to begin.  Something I had never tired before but felt there was nothing to lose.  I would create a peaceful environment first with sound.  It is believed at the most fundamental level that the whole universe is made up of vibrating pulsating energy. The sound of OM is considered as the humming sound of this cosmic energy.  If you observe the nature of sound you will find that striking together two objects produces all ordinary audible sounds.   In contrast Om is not the result of striking two objects.  It is the primal sound of the universe that emanates on its own.  

The boys would have this unique kind of elevator music to work by all day.  Chants and mantras would be our background.  The boys were immediately curious and confused.  What sort of day was this going to be?  I was bombarded with questions.  They were intrigued by the sound and wanted to know more.  

I tapped into this energy and used it as the beginnings for our daylong discussion on what is peace and how do we find it.   In this environment each boy was vulnerable and spoke from the heart. Their need to be valued and recognized exposed the depth of their feelings.

My room became a curiosity that day.  Other adults who came into the room were as curious and interested as the boys.

I shared with the boys the power of chanting Om.  The chant helps banish worldly thoughts and remove distraction.  When this happens the body is infused with new vigor.  Chanting can help relieve depression like a powerful drug because it truly is a cosmic tonic. 

That day remains clear in my memory because it was one of the most peaceful and productive days I ever had. The boys gave an intuitive respect and honor to the sound. I encouraged them to come back anytime they were on the cusp of a disagreement.  They left with a fragile commitment to give peace a chance. 

I know my efforts were not some miracle cure for the deeper problems these boys shared.  I also know that they would remember the day as well.  And for that reason alone I know my efforts were successful. 

This will never be a measurable success.  No one will copy this method or claim it as a valuable teaching tool.   And that is the major difficulty in claiming success, where was the benefit?  My hope is with these boys.

I gave each of them a copy of this as they left. 

Peace, it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  It means to be in the mist of these things and still be calm in your heart. 

Charles Darwin the first true naturalist created one of the most impressive volumes in biology in his “Origins of the Species.  He observed, questioned, experimented and tested his ideas to arrive at the conclusion that natural selection is responsible for all creation.  Although he didn’t live to see how the human genome bears the stamp of natural selection he would not have been surprised. The framework for understanding the natural world and ourselves lies in accepting change.  We continue to  evolve so it’s a logical connection that our institutions must evolve too.  They must change when the conditions demand it.

How do we know when change is necessary?

Change is necessary when outcomes produce failure.  Unfortunately currently in education there is too much failure.  Education must decide what matters most.   Is it loyalty to the system or to the mission?

The mission of all schools must be to create the best environment for learning.  When a school nurtures the desire to learn everyone thrives.

I once read a sign that said, “All structures are unstable.”  It’s apropos for understanding the need for change.   Our institutions are human endeavors that eventually weaken and become unstable.  Instead of reacting to the weakness we must become  proactive and position our thinking to creating changes when necessary.

Right now we are at the threshold of this change.  There is an opportunity for fundamental shifts in perspective but these shifts also threaten our comfort levels and the status quo. Our attachments to the way things are is only a fear-based reaction.  Instead of defending this reaction we can transform it.

To accept and embrace change in schools it’s important to:

• Look at your motivation.  What is more important acknowledging your own personal weak areas or a willingness to step out of your comfort zone and see what’s possible?
• Cultivate emotional wisdom.  Be honest with how you feel, is it fear or logic that keeps you from accepting changes.
• Calm your mind.  Be proactive.  Listen for your own reactive thinking, language and actions. And be willing to adapt a better way.
• See clearly.  Reexamine your goals and your mission; this will connect you with the best path.
• Embrace generosity.  Be open to the ideas of others and encourage the collaboration.

Change is necessary, advantageous and possible but only when all the shareholders accept this. 

I recently read that closer cooperation between community colleges and business is an emerging trend.  The future job market is going to demand more skilled technicians.  Utility companies are already predicting a shortage of skilled workers when the wave of baby boomers begins to retire.  They are going to need workers to update our electrical grid as well as tap into new energy industries.  All of these jobs will require a particular set of skills not obtained through traditional degree programs. 

At the same time most graduate programs in American universities are producing a product for which there is no market.  Many graduate candidates are seeking positions that do not exist or have skills for which there is a diminishing demand.

The two scenarios illustrate a real disconnect with the present reality.   On one side is the traditional university model with an emphasis on scholarship and on the other the need for a narrower set of skills and expertise with real job applications. 

Reading all of this made me think that perhaps there is a dirty secret of higher education.  The dirty secret is it’s not sustainable.  Years ago when my husband and I attended universities it was possible to work your way through school and graduate without a mountain of debt.  Today students must leverage enormous loans and hope to find a job that will allow them to repay the loan before they retire.  Something is not right.

If we are going to encourage our children to aspire to higher learning than we must at the very least offer them opportunities that will make this financially profitable as well as intellectually enriching.  There has to be a balance between gaining intellectual perspective and the ability to earn a respectable income. 

How can we hope to do this?

First we must find ways to restructure colleges and universities.  Just like Wall Street and Detroit must be regulated so must higher education if it is going to thrive into the 21^st century.   Second schools must adapt to this new thinking.  Students should be encouraged to become life-long learners.  Not just learning for the sake of monetary gain but learning for the betterment of all.   A population of citizens who aspire to know more not just to be more becomes a global asset.  

Informed people seek alternatives, improved ways and demand better for themselves and their neighbors.  Education is the best and maybe the only way to deliver on this aspiration. 

As our schools find their way in our new economic order they must also find the best path to encourage children to be curious, to become seekers and explorers.   Desire is a powerful motivator, just read the biographies of our most beloved scientists and what they all share is a powerful desire to know more.

Sometimes difficulties create the most perfect environment for change.  Maybe that perfect opportunity is now. 

It is possible to ignore stereotypes.  It is possible to accept the unconventional over the traditional.

The part of the brain that feeds us information on stereotypes and biases is linked with memory and goal planning. We recruit stereotypes and ideas and use this information as a way to make plans that are consistent with our goals.  When people and ideas don’t fit in with our preconceived notions we tend to ignore the contradictions until they become too dramatic to overlook.  When an exceptional situation gets our attention  we are confronted with changing  our thinking. 

This was demonstrated very dramatically last week when a dowdy looking Scottish woman named Susan Boyle captured both the attention and admiration of the world when she surprised an audience with her beautiful singing voice.

Susan’s voice was a contradiction to her appearance. The audience was prepared to dislike her based on her unattractiveness. What happened instead was a surprise and a pleasure when they heard her sing.  She made them feel good. It’s possible that the surprise and pleasure of her voice resulted in a rush of dopamine.

That same rush happens anytime we experience a novelty.  The Alliance College Ready Public School in Los Angeles is also a novelty.  In one of the most challenged and depressed urban districts in the county they have a 90% graduation rate.  These disadvantaged students complete  college prep courses and go onto universities despite being surrounded by a culture of violence.  

The school was also in the news when philanthropist Eli Broad donated six million dollars to their 11 schools.  He said the reason for the donation was because it’s time to take notice of the emerging leadership and excellence of charter schools.

In major cities all over the US charter schools are competing with public schools for students because they are demonstrating they are not resistant to fundamental changes.   Instead of just compensating students with learning differences, emotional issues, and  language and cultural barriers they are seeking methods to strengthen weak areas in learning.

Exceptional schools are schools that refuse to accept horrible outcomes year after year.  These schools have adapted interventions and developed evidence based teaching practices that respect their student’s weaknesses while finding new ways to improve. 

The Alliance College-Ready School is one of the 70 international school chains profiled on the School Chain Showcase.  This non-profit organization  (www.schoolchains.org) hopes to raise awareness by profiling successful school chains from around the world and showing the different ways they educate their students. 

On the website schools in Africa, Europe, America, and Asia demonstrate how it is possible to embrace a paradigm shift and create institutional changes.  These schools have looked at problems in a new way and found new possibilities.  Instead of being dumped into the failure category often associated with disadvantage and poverty they are embracing a whatever it takes belief and making systematic changes.

Visit the website – www.schoolchains.org to find ways and partners to improve education

Did you know that the average time between the onset of puberty and the formation of a committed sexual relationship is longer now that it has ever been in human history?

That’s a lot of years to be expected to just say no.  Today our children are quite different biologically from those in the past.  Our improved diets, artificial light, decreased physical activity, and the explosion of sexually provocative material have resulted in earlier puberty and greater sexual activity and fertility than in the past.  Unfortunately it’s almost impossible to keep children from being exposed to the overly sexualized media content.  It is estimated that on average children view about 14,000 sexual references per year.  Sex and sexual innuendo on TV rarely show the adverse consequences of irresponsible sexual behavior.  

My daughter a medical student shadowed an ob-gyn doctor in an inner city clinic.  She was shocked to learn this doctor spent 75% of her day with girls under the age of 18.  These girls were either pregnant, had contacted an STD or had  serious infections.   The doctor told her the best she could do was prescribing appropriate medication and warning these young girls about the dangers of future unprotected sex.  She expected to see most of them back with more serious complications.

Children feel the sex drive in their bodies long before they are psychologically ready to commit to the demands of a mature relationship.  Until we can educate our children that sex is natural but needs respectful and loving expressions  we will be dealing with the consequences of reckless and unprotected sex. 

Today in our schools there is no dedicated funding toward comprehensive sex education.  The type of content presented to our children does not educate them on male and female anatomy, contraceptives and disease.  Children need to understand how their bodies respond sexually and girls need to learn how their bodies are connected both physically and emotionally to all phases of their menstrual cycles.

 Teachers need to become less fearful of these taboo subjects and more outspoken in demanding the right kind of content in our Sex Ed programs.  Leaving this to the vocal minority will doom our children to a lifetime of ignorance and abuse.  The best lesson for children is to learn that their bodies are their own, and to develop respect for this.  Knowledge is power: all children deserve solid sex education because sex is an inevitable part of their lives.  The best kind of program will teach:

• How to value themselves and their bodies.  Children who respect their bodies are better prepared not to compromise themselves with casual sexual encounters. 

• The sexuality – spirituality connection.  There’s a critical difference both biochemically and neurologically between having sex as an extension of an emotional bond and having casual sex with someone you don’t really care about.  Children need sufficient self-esteem to experience this solid loving connection. 

• The facts about male and female sexual anatomy.  Girls need to  understand not just the mechanics of their own menstrual cycle but the different phases and the accompanying emotional and physical changes that occur during the month.  Boys need to be taught female anatomy as well as understanding the role their hormones play in thoughts and behavior. 

• The facts about how to prevent pregnancy and protect themselves against sexually transmitted disease.  This information has never been shown to increase the likelihood of a teenagers having sex. Many teens define sex as intercourse and don’t understand that oral sex is sex.  STD’s can be transmitted during oral sex including HIV and AIDS.  Girls who succumb to the pressure of providing oral sex to earn popularity and acceptance will discover our culture’s double standard and their own devalued status. 

 If we can teach our children to respect their sexuality as part of a miraculous process then it’s possible to help guide them toward making responsible choices.  This is a life skill that will contribute to the greater good and benefit society. 

Currently there are over 7 million patents in the US.  Compare that to the 1.5 million identified species on the earth and what you have is a pretty impressive mismatch between the biological world and the world of man made products. 

It’s no wonder that most of us are confused when presented with the task of decreasing our personal carbon footprint.   I thought that I was making an ecological contribution when I purchased a stainless steel water bottle.  I had kicked the bottled water habit for good.  And then I read the process of making stainless steel results in ten times more pollution than regular steel.  When you factor in the countless steps down the supply chain to get this bottle to me it’s easy to see I’ve only traded one wasteful product for another. 

So what’s the answer?

Some solutions just seem too easy.  Before bottled water and the need to be constantly hydrated there was always a simple way of getting water, the drinking fountain.  I had allowed myself to become a victim of 21^st century marketing.  The fact is I don’t need to carry a bottle of water around with me at all.  There is access to clean water in almost any place I might be.

When I started to think about it that’s really our problem with going green, we have forgotten the simple solutions.   Today we rely on too many products.  They clutter up our homes, our trash and our landfills. 

Earth Day is Wednesday April 22 so this year instead of just taking a walk to pick up trash I’m taking an inventory of what I really need.

It helps when I remember my childhood and how few things I wanted or even needed, the requisite toys were a bike, a baseball glove and bat, jump role and crayons. The best times involved no things at all, it was being naturally happy. Like playing tag in the fading evening light and lying in the grass gazing at the stars.  

If we are really going to change then it’s important to reflect on the words of Albert Einstein, “the problems we face cannot be solved at the same of level of thinking that created them.”

None of us crave a vacation inside a shopping mall.  We all hunger for natural things. We plan trips to the beach, the mountains or the woods.  Technology will never be able to replicate or replace what nature gives us.  Our green world benefits our health and our spirits.

This Wednesday make a pledge to give up some convenience in favor of the greater good.  And let your purchasing power shout.  No more throw away anything.  This teeny individual battle in the much larger war against the environment can be won if millions of us are willing to do this.