Category: school culture

“Our thoughts, our words, and our deeds are the threads of the net which we throw around ourselves.”

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.  When we choose actions that bring happiness and success to others, the fruit of our karma is happiness and success. 

Several years ago I had a student who so persistent in his misbehaviors that I began to picture him as a little red haired devil.  I dreaded every encounter with him.  His response to me became more and more hostile.   I needed to do something different.  What I did was to change the way I looked at him. 

The improvement was slow, but little by little he began to respond to me with more respect and attentiveness.  By the year’s end I saw him as a success instead of a failure. 

Some spiritual traditions believe in the law of karma.  Karma is just a new age word meaning cause and effect.  It is our actions and the consequences.  We’ve all heard the expression “what you sow is what you reap.”  Karma, what we reap is the action of our conscious choice making. 

With my little red haired devil I choose to be critical and judgmental.  I did not offer this student a life lesson; I choose to suffer his undesirable behavior instead.   But in truth I was the one who suffered until I chose to change.

We are infinite choice makers.  Some of our choices are automatic like conditioned reflexes.  When a person or circumstance is offensive we choose to be offended, we choose to be uncomfortable and unhappy.  The same is true for the opposite.  We are making these choices unconsciously. 

There is a better way.  We can step back and witness our choices as we make them.  We can take this process from an unconscious realm to a conscious one and become empowered. 

To apply the law of cause and effect to your life you can:

1. Ask: What are the consequences of this choice? And will this choice bring happiness and fulfillment to me and to those affected by me?
2. Pay attention to your body’s physical response to the choice.  You will observe a difference in your responses to unkind choices compared to kinder ones.

We know the correct choice, it is known in our heart.  It’s a mistake to discredit this intuitive response.  Everything that has happened to us at this moment is a result of the choices we’ve made in the past.   We can create a kindness footprint.  It’s what we leave behind, it’s how we’ll be remembered and it’s how we create lasting positive change. 

“Mirror mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all.”

Wicked Witch in Snow White

This week former president Bill Clinton negotiated the release of two female journalists from North Korea.  It was a masterful diplomatic coup.  Despite the outcome I read and heard some commentary than was critical of him.   Some speculate about his secret motives, some believe he intends to partner with his wife as secretary of state, and some just dislike him. 

These commentaries are nothing more than schadenfreude, and the kill joys that made them are like the wicked witch in Snow White.  How will we ever find justice and equity in this world if we cannot give credit where credit is due?

It’s hard to look into the mirror and confront what we see.  But it’s necessary to confront ourselves when judgment and ego get in the way of right things. 

Tapping the talents of the best suited for the job ensures that the job will get done.  If we can let go of personalities, assumptions and a bit of our ego then we can solve our problems and accomplish great things.  We all look better when we share the stage with talented and gifted people.  

Looking into the mirror is a good place to start and develop self-reflection.  The mirror reveals what we don’t like to see.  If we can confront our weaknesses without flinching or looking away we can begin to accept our limitations. 

One of our biggest limitations is being a killjoy, being jealous of the success of others especially others we don’t like.   This thinking poisons the environment of every human endeavor, a family, a business, and a school.

The best antidote to schadenfreude is to celebrate the success of others whenever you see it.  It creates a positive energy that will come back to you and endow you with new insights and new perspective. 

It’s important to look into the mirror from time to time.  The mirror doesn’t lie, doesn’t have an opinion, it only shows what you look like at this moment.  Practicing this kind of radical self-acceptance makes it possible to share the stage with everyone.

In his book the “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” author Stephen Covey writes how our paradigms correct or incorrect are the source of our attitudes, behavior and ultimately our relationships.  He tells the story about a man riding the subway in New York on a Sunday morning.  The man is sitting quietly reading his newspaper when a father enters with three noisy children.  The children are talking loud, throwing things at each other, and bothering other passengers.  Their father seems indifferent to all the confusion.  Finally the man cannot bear another minute of their disturbance and asks their father to do something about his children.  The man lifts his gaze and says, “you’re right I should do something but I don’t know what, you see I just came from the hospital my wife just died.”

This information changed the thinking and behavior of subway traveler immediately.  He moved from anger to compassion to empathy.  What he experienced was a paradigm shift. This kind of quantum shift in thinking allows us to form new attitudes and behaviors.  It can change the way we see the world. 

Our picture of the world is basically our assumptions.  We all tend to make assumptions about everything.  We believe what we believe simply because we believe it.  This leaves little room for doubt and also creates the perfect mental environment for being offended and hurt.   This mental flaw is responsible for a lot of the chaos and misunderstanding that our minds create. 

The first time I heard the story about the subway rider I identified with him because I had done the same thing many times myself.  I had formed many opinions before asking questions, before knowing more.   It takes a disciplined mind to change the way you think.  In a classroom a disciplined mind is critical because the opinion and judgment of the teacher directly influences the success of the students. 

The more aware the teacher becomes of his or her basic paradigms, maps or assumptions the more he or she can take responsibility for them, examine them and test them against reality.  And in doing this gain a larger picture and a more objective view.   When you stop making assumptions you will communicate freely and clearly and become truly impeccable with your word.  This type of honesty will strengthen and nurture every single relationship you have.

There is no more powerful way to improve an organization than by creating an environment, which supports these principles.  Individuals will recognize that their contributions are part of the strength of that organization and will be motivated and inspired to continue to do more.   An organization that honors this thinking is committed to the principle of potential.  The idea that we are all embryonic and can grow and develop releasing more potential and more talents. 

Every school seeking new ways to improve must first look at the character of their shareholders and then tap into that potential.   We can all change our mind, change our thinking and to paraphrase Einstein, “when you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.” 

It’s easy to identify failure, it’s much harder  to identify success.  Success is not always predictable but it does align itself with certain principles. 

In education sometimes success is attributed to the wrong factors.  All children do not come to school standing at the same start line.  Some are not even really in the race but are expected to finish just the same. 

For thirteen years I supervised a disciple program in a middle school and on any given day I faced the challenge of mediating and reconciling the anger and arguments of fighting students.  Any success I hoped to achieve depended on one thing; creating a peaceful environment where everyone felt safe, where everyone felt heard and where there would be no judgment. 

There were many critics in my school.  Without judgment they argued there could be no punishment, there could be no justice.  They felt I was creating a system that forgave and did not demand responsibility.  But what is punishment for a child if there is no opportunity to learn from the mistake, if there is no lesson learned?

It didn’t take long for me to discover that fighting was a result of not being accepted, of not being respected and loved.  The root cause of these disputes were simple; children who did not have this most basic need satisfied would find another way to get what they needed.  Unfortunately that other way was not socially acceptable nor was it sustainable.

One particular day late in May I had seven boys all who had initiated some sort of aggressive behavior.  These boys all had a reputation to defend and would test the limits all day with each other and me.  Experience warned me that spring fights were the worst mostly because everyone was tired of dealing with the problem.  There was no tolerance or desire to play head doctor so I knew to expect little support from other adult staff.   What I needed first was to stay centered and find the peace I needed inside.  I had to rely on that deep reservoir of calm to create the right balance of leadership and kindness.

I had a simple plan to begin.  Something I had never tired before but felt there was nothing to lose.  I would create a peaceful environment first with sound.  It is believed at the most fundamental level that the whole universe is made up of vibrating pulsating energy. The sound of OM is considered as the humming sound of this cosmic energy.  If you observe the nature of sound you will find that striking together two objects produces all ordinary audible sounds.   In contrast Om is not the result of striking two objects.  It is the primal sound of the universe that emanates on its own.  

The boys would have this unique kind of elevator music to work by all day.  Chants and mantras would be our background.  The boys were immediately curious and confused.  What sort of day was this going to be?  I was bombarded with questions.  They were intrigued by the sound and wanted to know more.  

I tapped into this energy and used it as the beginnings for our daylong discussion on what is peace and how do we find it.   In this environment each boy was vulnerable and spoke from the heart. Their need to be valued and recognized exposed the depth of their feelings.

My room became a curiosity that day.  Other adults who came into the room were as curious and interested as the boys.

I shared with the boys the power of chanting Om.  The chant helps banish worldly thoughts and remove distraction.  When this happens the body is infused with new vigor.  Chanting can help relieve depression like a powerful drug because it truly is a cosmic tonic. 

That day remains clear in my memory because it was one of the most peaceful and productive days I ever had. The boys gave an intuitive respect and honor to the sound. I encouraged them to come back anytime they were on the cusp of a disagreement.  They left with a fragile commitment to give peace a chance. 

I know my efforts were not some miracle cure for the deeper problems these boys shared.  I also know that they would remember the day as well.  And for that reason alone I know my efforts were successful. 

This will never be a measurable success.  No one will copy this method or claim it as a valuable teaching tool.   And that is the major difficulty in claiming success, where was the benefit?  My hope is with these boys.

I gave each of them a copy of this as they left. 

Peace, it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  It means to be in the mist of these things and still be calm in your heart. 

Did you know that the average time between the onset of puberty and the formation of a committed sexual relationship is longer now that it has ever been in human history?

That’s a lot of years to be expected to just say no.  Today our children are quite different biologically from those in the past.  Our improved diets, artificial light, decreased physical activity, and the explosion of sexually provocative material have resulted in earlier puberty and greater sexual activity and fertility than in the past.  Unfortunately it’s almost impossible to keep children from being exposed to the overly sexualized media content.  It is estimated that on average children view about 14,000 sexual references per year.  Sex and sexual innuendo on TV rarely show the adverse consequences of irresponsible sexual behavior.  

My daughter a medical student shadowed an ob-gyn doctor in an inner city clinic.  She was shocked to learn this doctor spent 75% of her day with girls under the age of 18.  These girls were either pregnant, had contacted an STD or had  serious infections.   The doctor told her the best she could do was prescribing appropriate medication and warning these young girls about the dangers of future unprotected sex.  She expected to see most of them back with more serious complications.

Children feel the sex drive in their bodies long before they are psychologically ready to commit to the demands of a mature relationship.  Until we can educate our children that sex is natural but needs respectful and loving expressions  we will be dealing with the consequences of reckless and unprotected sex. 

Today in our schools there is no dedicated funding toward comprehensive sex education.  The type of content presented to our children does not educate them on male and female anatomy, contraceptives and disease.  Children need to understand how their bodies respond sexually and girls need to learn how their bodies are connected both physically and emotionally to all phases of their menstrual cycles.

 Teachers need to become less fearful of these taboo subjects and more outspoken in demanding the right kind of content in our Sex Ed programs.  Leaving this to the vocal minority will doom our children to a lifetime of ignorance and abuse.  The best lesson for children is to learn that their bodies are their own, and to develop respect for this.  Knowledge is power: all children deserve solid sex education because sex is an inevitable part of their lives.  The best kind of program will teach:

• How to value themselves and their bodies.  Children who respect their bodies are better prepared not to compromise themselves with casual sexual encounters. 

• The sexuality – spirituality connection.  There’s a critical difference both biochemically and neurologically between having sex as an extension of an emotional bond and having casual sex with someone you don’t really care about.  Children need sufficient self-esteem to experience this solid loving connection. 

• The facts about male and female sexual anatomy.  Girls need to  understand not just the mechanics of their own menstrual cycle but the different phases and the accompanying emotional and physical changes that occur during the month.  Boys need to be taught female anatomy as well as understanding the role their hormones play in thoughts and behavior. 

• The facts about how to prevent pregnancy and protect themselves against sexually transmitted disease.  This information has never been shown to increase the likelihood of a teenagers having sex. Many teens define sex as intercourse and don’t understand that oral sex is sex.  STD’s can be transmitted during oral sex including HIV and AIDS.  Girls who succumb to the pressure of providing oral sex to earn popularity and acceptance will discover our culture’s double standard and their own devalued status. 

 If we can teach our children to respect their sexuality as part of a miraculous process then it’s possible to help guide them toward making responsible choices.  This is a life skill that will contribute to the greater good and benefit society. 

Last night I woke up in the middle of night anxious from a rambling dream about economic woes.  My dream was a tangled mess of reruns from the news that kept repeating over and over like a broken record. I’m certain in bedrooms across the county other people were struggling with the same dream.

Despite feeling dread in the middle of the night I found a renewed optimism in my morning yoga class.  In yoga I was reminded to seek my equanimous mind, the mind that reacts the same to praise or criticism.   It’s the quality of same mind that restores peace and calm to the body and spirit.

I am grateful to have a practice that guides me through troubled waters but I have to wonder how our children are coping with all this uncertainty.  How can they be hopeful and calm?

Children take their cues from the adults that lead them, if their homes are turbulent and troubled they will carry that vibe and energy into their school day.  As teachers you could be faced with leading a classroom filled with anxiety and worry.   So how can you provide a nurturing environment for your students?

First you must take your own emotional temperature.  Access your state of mind every morning. Take ten minutes every day to find some balance.  Open the shades, turn off the noise and sit alone in your classroom.  Close your eyes and begin to breathe in and out through your nose.  As you do this notice the quality of your breath.  Focus on the narrow space between your nose and mouth.   In and out, as thoughts arise let them drift by like clouds in the sky.  Just observe them and let go.  Think of your breath as a bridge that connects your body to your thoughts.  When your thoughts become too scattered use your breath as the means to take hold of your mind again.

A short meditation helps you face life’s curve balls and also prepares you to guide your students.  You can use this same practice with your students.  Beginning each class with a short meditation is one simple way to help restore calm to your classroom.  Even though the earth is shifting beneath their feet your students can stay centered.

The practice of yoga is simply observing the breath.   Becoming connected to the breath connects us to the present moment instead of living in the never arriving future. 

None of us can predict the future but given the right tools we can find a path to a more peaceful existence.  And we can teach this to our children helping them pass through negative moods feeling more resilient and positive.

Recite this Metta Meditation with your class every day

May I be Happy and Joyful

May I be Peaceful and At Ease

May I be Free from Harm and Injury

May I be Free from Anger and Worry

May I be Well

It’s easy in our culture to feel not quite good enough.  For some of us it takes a lifetime to come to terms with the flawed notion of perfection and accepting and loving ourselves.  In the book, “Surviving Marcia Brady.” Maureen Mccormick reveals how the character of Marcia Brady became her alter ego and how far down she fell struggling to accept herself. 

Her story is a modern fable that shows that all the glitters is not gold, despite how much it sparkles.  I was past the age of influence when the Brady Bunch was popular on TV but I remember how much my younger sisters wanted to be just like Marcia.  Popular culture in the early 70’s had not yet wormed its way into the youthful psyche the way it has today so I have to wonder who are the modern day Marcia Brady’s and how much dysfunction are they creating now?

For many children the only template they have for a purposeful life is the one marketed to them through the medium of entertainment. Often promoting a life where popularity and being envied are the standards of success. 

Schools are tapped out right now and to ask them to pick up the slack and restore value where it’s lacking is a heavy proposition.  Despite the difficulties I know schools can influence positive change.   And the steps are simple and free. 

Providing character education and guidance is nothing more than practicing it yourself first.  It doesn’t’ even have to be an institutional practice but it would be more effective if the entire teaching staff embraced it.   

One resource I discovered several years ago was “The Four Agreements” by Dan Miguel Ruiz.  This little book is a gem of practical wisdom that can transform anyone willing to be better.  The four agreements are simple rules to help you honor and respect your own life and everyone you encounter.

The first agreement is to be impeccable with your word.  Speak with integrity say only what you mean.  Avoid using your word to speak against yourself or against someone else.  Never gossip.  Instead use the power of your word in the direction of love and truth.

The second agreement is don’t take anything personally.  Recognize that nothing others do is because of you.  What they do and say is a projection of their own reality, and of their own shortcomings.   When you choose not to be offended you become immune to the opinions and actions of other people.  You cannot become the victim of needless suffering.

The third agreement is don’t make assumptions.  Communicate as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.  With this one agreement you can transform your life because you practice communicating clearly frees you from emotional poison.

And the most important agreement is to always do your best.  When you allow yourself to be human you recognize that everyday is different.  Different mind, different body, different moment and under all these changing circumstances you simply do your best.  This attitude helps you avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

I find the last to be the agreement of forgiveness.  Forgiving yourself is the most critical step to accepting your imperfect yet beautiful self.   Embracing the four agreements is breaking with all your old emotional binds and contracts.  It’s liberating because this practice allows you to be better, to become noble in the truest definition of the word.

I have used the agreements as rules to live by and instructed students in their meaning.  Many students found the simplicity of this creed an easy way to practice respect and  helped them let go of unhealthy judgment and negativity.  

John Lennon sang, “Living is easy with your eyes closed misunderstanding all you see.”

These simple agreements help you live with your eyes open.

Virtue is an old fashioned word that seems out of place in our society today.  You don’t hear much about virtue.  But what’s truly needed to rescue us is a resurgence of the practice of being virtuous. 

Barry Schwartz author of “The Paradox of Choice,” writes about psychologists who interviewed hospital janitors around the country.  They asked them what their job entailed.  The job description of a hospital janitor is a long  list of maintenance and cleaning.  Nowhere in the list is a single word that mentions or involves another human being.  Yet during the interviews psychologists discovered that hospital janitors described situations that demanded they be wise. 

There was Mark who described how he stopped mopping the floor because a patient needed to get out of bed to exercise.  There was Charlene who ignored her supervisors and didn’t vacuum the visitors lounge because some family who had been there for 24 hours were taking a nap.  And then there was Luke who mopped the floor of a comatose young man’s room twice because the man’s father who had been keeping a vigil for six months didn’t see him do it the first time and was angry.

Behavior like this whether it comes from a janitor, nurse or a doctor doesn’t just make people feel better it actually improves the quality of patient care and enables hospitals to run well.  The janitors who behaved this way were interacting with people with kindness, care and empathy.

Aristotle said that practical wisdom is a combination of moral will and moral skill.  This group of janitors was practicing both.  

You don’t need to be brilliant to be wise, but without wisdom brilliance isn’t enough. The camera is always on when you are teaching.  As a teacher you are being observed even when you think you are not.  Unlike the janitor your job description demands the moral will and moral skill to be successful.

A wise person knows when and how to make the exception to every rule.  As the janitors knew when to ignore their duties in the service of another person, having wisdom means you know how to improvise. Real world problems are often ambiguous and ill defined.  The context is always changing.  A wise person knows how to use these moral skills in the pursuit of the right aims.

The context in your classroom is also always changing, student skills and needs shift and challenge what you believed was the norm.   So how can you bring practical wisdom into your day?

The most single important thing you can teach to your students is first to respect themselves, second to respect others and last to respect learning.

Your school community has an obligation to nurture the development of the moral will and moral skill of all its teachers.  It must recognize the even the wisest and most well meaning among you will give up if they have to swim against the current. 

A wise person is made and not born.  Wisdom depends on experience and not just any experience.  You need the time to know the people you are serving.  You need permission to improvise and to try new things and occasionally to fail.  And to learn from these failures.  Most important you need to be mentored by wise teachers.

Teachers must celebrate moral exemplars.  We are inspired by our moral heroes, acknowledge them and celebrate them  and strive to become an everyday moral hero yourself.  The future of education depends on an injection of this type of leadership.  

Every pediatrician has this conversation over and over with parents about setting limits and consistently praising good behavior.  What these conversations really are about is manners.   Dr. Perry Klass said, “When you are in an exam room with a child who seems to have none, you begin to wonder what is going on at home, at school and questions of family dysfunction problems begin to cross your mind.”

Practicing good manners has a huge impact on people’s lives despite the fact that some people think manners are out of date. Are they?

Having good manners is akin to showing respect.  Respecting yourself as well as others is one ingredient to becoming a successful human being.   Schools are the epicenter of the manners debate.  Students without manners are seen as rude and this contributes to behavior problems. But few schools have the time or resources to teach manners in addition to their academic benchmarks.  So what’s the answer?

Continuity of practice, practice makes perfect and when anything is repeated enough it eventually becomes part of a new habit.   Schools can teach students good manners first by practicing good manners.  Manners are our public behavior and the first lesson is that there are other people whose feelings must be considered.  Learning this affects a child’s most basic moral development.

Schools can teach manners 101 every day by:

• Address a manners issue every morning as part of their daily messages
• Simple examples are reminders to students to use polite language, practice right of way when walking (road rules for your hallways), and examples of kindness

• Classroom teachers should display manners rules in the classroom and begin the day with reminders to practice. Teachers also demonstrate good manners when they maintain composure under pressure.

• Reward and recognize students who practice good manners. 

• Help students learn good table manners by periodically eating lunch with your students.  Give helpful reminders to students about how to eat properly.

Students who are loud, demanding and insistent show that no one has taken the time to teach them manners; their basic needs are not being met.  Remember children by definition are selfish.  It’s a parent’s job to teach them there are other people in the world and other people have feelings.  Unfortunately when parents fail schools are left to pick up the slack and civilize the behavior of children. 

Creative World Connection is dedicated to helping schools provide comprehensive character education for their students.  Any school that is seeking a dedicated program that is consistent, timely and successful can contact us to purchase material tailored to their school’s needs.   The advantage of being a CWC subscriber is that we are flexible in content and pricing.  Contact us today and mention this blog entry for special pricing on Series 1 and also on custom programs. 

Failure to thrive is a medical term used to describe children who have stunted development.  It’s unclear why but doctors know this affliction is not a result of malnutrition, infections or any other single physical process that science can identify.  What they do know is the condition is reversed when children are in a loving and nurturing environment. 

Children can be stunted physically if they are not given sufficient love and attention now imagine the effect a lack of this has on the learning process.   Our current education system is being stressed by enormous social and economic factors, some of which seem overwhelming.  The suggestion that a failure to thrive is now the responsibility of a school is not meant to criticize but to empower. 

Creating a sufficient loving environment should not be a challenge for a school but a requirement.  Every school should ask: what conditions are necessary for a student to learn?

The most important condition is every student must feel and know that their classroom is safe.  They are treated with respect and trust what their teacher will ask them to do.  At some level the student must believe that their teacher has their best interest at heart.  It is in this environment that students will want to do some work to please their teacher.  They are engaged and attending to the work.  This is a great first step in the process to change from schooling to learning.  

The second step is students will begin to realize that what they are learning is important, it’s relevant to their life and is useful.  They will begin to bring the community of learners into their quality world.  They trust those around them and work together for a common goal.  The momentum is contagious and learning can become fun.

The last step is students learn how to self evaluate their own work.  They decide to make it better.  At this phase students are learning for the sake of knowledge. 

All of this sounds slightly utopian and out of reach.  But remember it’s derived from the basic premise that children thrive in a loving environment.  Any environment that tells a child you matter, you are important, and you can master this is a place where a child can excel.

Schools need to move away from mediocre standards and models.   They can solve their own problems but only by changing their thinking. 

Einstein said, “The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking which created them.”

Our best thinking got us here, we can change.