Archive for: June 2009

“The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of.”

Pascal (philosopher, scientist)

News this week prompted me to seek first to understand.  My youngest daughter has been in Tanzania working and learning in an international hospital.   She said the experience taught her more than her first year of medical school.  The group she is with all wanted to do a safari before leaving Africa so they traveled to the northern town of Arusha.  After a long bus ride they arrived late at night. The group under estimated how risky it was to be carting luggage while looking for lodgings.  Caught unaware they were all robbed at knifepoint.  My daughter lost all her American money, which is really all that is accepted so an early morning phone call home alerted me to the mishap.  My first reaction was typically are you okay?  Next I was angry that a group of young thugs could so easily ruin what had been a life-altering trip. 

I struggled to manage my worry by researching the Internet for information about this little town.  I discovered that robberies of tourists are not that uncommon.  Common sense and caution are naturally advised.  I started to imagine how this group of young Americans might appear to the young and poor Tanzanian natives.   By their standards the group was rich and privileged.  And to be honest that is true.  I was able to replace the stolen money without much hardship.  What bothered me the most was that my picture of safety and well-being was shattered.  Bad things can happen anytime or anyplace but now suddenly my daughter seemed especially vulnerable.

I began to wonder about the money, whose pocket was it in now?  Did the money go to feed a hungry family?  Or did it travel into more criminal channels?  I hoped the money did some good.  I hoped the money did not just work to harden the hearts of those who took it.  I hoped they had somehow recognized that the group they stole from had come to Africa to give back.  

Seeking first to understand allows you to become influenceable.  When this happens your circle of concern expands and you are in turn able to influence.  The more deeply you understand other people the more you will learn to appreciate them.  The more reverent you will feel about them. 

Stephen Covey in his book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” says “to touch the soul of another human being is to walk on holy ground.”

We all must assume that we never fully understand anyone and know we need to be open to really listen.  This assumption allows us to become more empathic.  This is the challenge of communication; this is the challenge we all face.  And not just with those closest to us but with the world.  Understanding is the only way we will be able to solve problems.  When we strive to listen with both the heart and the mind we will discover the intent and feelings of other people. 

I am counting the days until my daughter arrives safely home.  I must be careful not to allow myself to become more alarmed, more afraid, and worried.  I have to trust in the balance inherent in the universe, the duality of all things.  There is bad but there is also good. 

“The essence of synergy is to value differences – to respect them, to build on strengths and to compensate for weaknesses.”

Stephen Covey

Recently the New York Times ran an op-ed piece titled “Five Ways to Fix America’s Schools.”   Some of the changes suggested were:

• Raise the compulsory age to 19.  The benefits of an extra year of school beyond high school would allow for at least one year of college, vocational training or apprenticeship.
• Get serious about truancy.  Truants quickly become dropouts.  In many cities as many as 30% of students are absent a month of school each year. 
• Produce more qualified college applicants.  Half of the freshmen in college have weak academic skills.  Graduation rates at most colleges are less than 60%.

There were many responses to the article from educators all over the country.  Some suggested recruiting better teachers, raising teacher salaries, and eliminating tenure.  Others suggested making learning relevant to students, just compelling students to stay in school longer is no guarantee of higher learning.  Several targeted literacy and pointed out the benefits of early interventions, like head start and reforming the system and starting age of school.  Those who favor charter schools and vouchers pointed out that one size fits all does not help all children.

There was a wealth of information and ideas from everyone.  Reading these I realized how critical is for all associated with education to value the differences and work together cooperatively. 

Synergy creates the third alternative.  The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.  Synergy takes place when two or more people produce more together than the sum of what they could have produced separately.

Synergy is:

• Results oriented
• Examining, exploring, seeking diverse perspective openly enough to alter or complete your paradigm
• Have a mutually agreed upon end in mind
• Worth the effort and effective
• A process

The essence of synergy is valuing the differences.  This does not imply that you approve of or agree with differences: rather it means that you respect the differences and see them as opportunities for learning.  These differences become valuable tools for finding solutions because they enable you to discover and produce outcomes together that you would not find separately. 

In order to change you must be willing to let go of something.  Educators and those who influence the policy must leave their egos and attachments to one  position behind and embrace the possibilities.

There is a wealth of ideas and innovations available.  Stephen Covey stated it most eloquently.

“People who are truly effective have the humility and reverence to recognize their own perceptual limitations and to appreciate the rich resources available through interaction with the hearts and minds of other human beings.” 

There is a Buddhist fable about a man’s son who captured a strong and beautiful horse.  The people in the village were very jealous of his great fortune and told him how lucky he was.  He replied, “we shall see.”  Soon after the horse threw his son and the young man broke his leg.  The people in the village told him how cursed he was and he patiently replied again, “we shall see.”  After the son broke his leg soldiers came and took all the able bodied young men but the man’s son was spared.  The people in the village reminded him of his good fortune.  His reply, “we shall see.”

The fable shows how quickly our fortunes can change.  As we all travel through life we all encounter many joys and many problems.  This was brought into high relief for me this week while I watched my son compete in the Michigan Open golf tournament.  And although the game of golf is really only a metaphor for real life problems it does demonstrate that for every up there is a down.  And it’s not so much counting on getting more ups but seeing the downs as opportunities.   My son had one spectacular round of 66 and the next day bombed with a 79.  He said the perfect round had not prepared him for the difficulties of the following day. 

The Dali Lama once said, “The universe is in a constant state of becoming an ongoing miraculous creation.  Every day we awaken to that miracle with gratitude, respect, and compassion for all who share the gift of being.”   When we learn to cultivate acceptance rather than anger or frustration for those times when things aren’t going well we can begin to see our problems in different way.  We can begin to see them as just another part of our creation that natural ebb and flow in this world of duality. 

Problems challenge us to get out of things, to fix them.  But sometimes we need to examine the idea of fixing, especially when it relates to fixing others.  We need to question our concepts about how we want things to be and what we want people to become.

If we can let go of some of our thinking we will see that some problems can be solved, some cannot and some are best left alone.   Watching my son struggle through this tournament I know that the best we can ever do is to support the people we love.  Each one of us faces our own individual journey through life alone but we can travel together bound by our loving support.

As teachers everywhere end their school year my wish is they embrace this journey and give each other this loving support.  

This past week has been a difficult one for me.  I developed cellulites on my shin after contacting poison ivy.  All of this came about doing what I love most, gardening.  Needless to say this has curtailed my normal routine and limited my activity.  For the first time in my life I’ve been to the doctor twice in the same week.

Unfortunately during this episode I abandoned my own practical wisdom.  Instead of practicing patience and slowing down I ranted at myself for my own carelessness in not attending to the first signs.  This derailed me and it wasn’t until last night watching an HBO special that I felt a shifting of my self-criticism.  The program is titled “Smile Pinky” and it tells the story of two children who are ostracized and ridiculed for their cleft lips.  Until they meet a social worker who travels from village to village locating children with this deformity. The documentary is the story of the smile train a non-profit organization dedicated to helping children in developing countries.  It follows these two remarkable children in their journey from isolation to acceptance. Experiencing someone else’s malady even through the medium of TV reminded me how important it is to see my feelings as just another thought and to recognize it. 

The criticism sandwich is a widely practiced managerial technique.  It’s simple: structure constructive criticism between praise, just like a sandwich with the praise on the top and bottom.   It’s candy coating the message but it is extremely effective in getting the desired result.  And who among us doesn’t like our bad medicine to be just a bit sweeter?

This week I needed to construct my own criticism sandwich. My self-criticism had no useful purpose. It only gave me more fuel for my own pity party. 

Watching the program humbled me and shifted my emotions away from myself, I experienced empathy and in doing so put things in the right perspective.

I intend to use the criticism sandwich next time I stumble into the unexpected.  Doing this will allow me to connect to the important things and move away from the trivial.   Instead of just being destructive in my self-analysis I can be positive and more productive.

Finding yourself in an unwanted situation is always difficult but knowing how to mange it will center you and pull you out of a slump.  So today make yourself a nice sandwich and be generous with the praise.

You can support the Smile Train at:

Smile Train - Dept. Mag.

PO Box 96231

Washington Dc 20090-6231