The Template For Character

It’s easy in our culture to feel not quite good enough.  For some of us it takes a lifetime to come to terms with the flawed notion of perfection and accepting and loving ourselves.  In the book, “Surviving Marcia Brady.” Maureen Mccormick reveals how the character of Marcia Brady became her alter ego and how far down she fell struggling to accept herself. 

Her story is a modern fable that shows that all the glitters is not gold, despite how much it sparkles.  I was past the age of influence when the Brady Bunch was popular on TV but I remember how much my younger sisters wanted to be just like Marcia.  Popular culture in the early 70’s had not yet wormed its way into the youthful psyche the way it has today so I have to wonder who are the modern day Marcia Brady’s and how much dysfunction are they creating now?

For many children the only template they have for a purposeful life is the one marketed to them through the medium of entertainment. Often promoting a life where popularity and being envied are the standards of success. 

Schools are tapped out right now and to ask them to pick up the slack and restore value where it’s lacking is a heavy proposition.  Despite the difficulties I know schools can influence positive change.   And the steps are simple and free. 

Providing character education and guidance is nothing more than practicing it yourself first.  It doesn’t’ even have to be an institutional practice but it would be more effective if the entire teaching staff embraced it.   

One resource I discovered several years ago was “The Four Agreements” by Dan Miguel Ruiz.  This little book is a gem of practical wisdom that can transform anyone willing to be better.  The four agreements are simple rules to help you honor and respect your own life and everyone you encounter.

The first agreement is to be impeccable with your word.  Speak with integrity say only what you mean.  Avoid using your word to speak against yourself or against someone else.  Never gossip.  Instead use the power of your word in the direction of love and truth.

The second agreement is don’t take anything personally.  Recognize that nothing others do is because of you.  What they do and say is a projection of their own reality, and of their own shortcomings.   When you choose not to be offended you become immune to the opinions and actions of other people.  You cannot become the victim of needless suffering.

The third agreement is don’t make assumptions.  Communicate as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.  With this one agreement you can transform your life because you practice communicating clearly frees you from emotional poison.

And the most important agreement is to always do your best.  When you allow yourself to be human you recognize that everyday is different.  Different mind, different body, different moment and under all these changing circumstances you simply do your best.  This attitude helps you avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

I find the last to be the agreement of forgiveness.  Forgiving yourself is the most critical step to accepting your imperfect yet beautiful self.   Embracing the four agreements is breaking with all your old emotional binds and contracts.  It’s liberating because this practice allows you to be better, to become noble in the truest definition of the word.

I have used the agreements as rules to live by and instructed students in their meaning.  Many students found the simplicity of this creed an easy way to practice respect and  helped them let go of unhealthy judgment and negativity.  

John Lennon sang, “Living is easy with your eyes closed misunderstanding all you see.”

These simple agreements help you live with your eyes open.