Kindness Matters

Have you ever been surprised with an unexpected kindness?  There was a recent story of an older man who regularly jogged some remote roads in the hills of southern California.   His biggest fear was of an attack by a mountain lion but since he rarely strayed into the denser areas so he was not worried.  One particular day as he jogged he heard the loud blare of a car radio and the lyrics of a rap song.  The beat of the music got closer and closer.  This man had encountered rude drivers in the past but the noise and the approaching speed of the car worried him.    Suddenly a car full of teenage boys sped past him and slowed to a stop.   Filled with fear the man worried how he was going to jog past the car without incident.  As he got right next to the car one of the boys handed him a Popsicle out the window. 

Simple acts of kindness like the gift of a Popsicle seem strange and out of the ordinary.  Why is that? 

Unfortunately today in workplaces and schools across the country reports of harassment and violence have increased.   P. M. Forni author of the Civility Solution writes that most school and workplace violence began in rudeness.  The roots of rudeness are a failure to value the intrinsic goodness of each person.  When individuals are not seen as worthy and competent its easier for  rudeness to erupt.  

Most people see rudeness as something done to them instead of a symptom of a culture that reacts to any  injustice with anger.  This anger is like lightening in a bottle, when directed at others it scorches everything in its path, work relationships, friendships, families and eventually the health of any institution.   Rudeness can become anger burning out of control. 

School can be the one consistent place in this society where children can learn to practice compassion and simple acts of kindness.  A compassionate mind learns to look at a situation more broadly, seeking a solution that’s acceptable to everyone. 

So how can you as an educator begin to practice and teach children to cultivate the compassionate mind? 

Begin first with yourself.  Examine your daily habits, how do you interact with your co-workers.  Are you tolerant of their shortcomings or do you react with criticism and gossip?    Next evaluate your relationship with your students, are you inpatient with their inattentiveness, disruptions and little unkindness?   When you become the model of compassion you can create a vibration in your classroom that will resonate into all your relationships.

Teach your students to practice sitting with their frustration and anger.  Tell them that in their body there is a biochemical surge that has it’s roots in primitive man.   The fight or flight response was a holdover from the days when the main threat to our survival was a saber tooth tiger and not waiting in line or a redundant question. 

Feelings of anger manifests differently in each person, some of us get so revved up that we can’t think straight.  To address this  teach students deep breathing.  Begin each day with a classroom-breathing lesson, instruct students to close their eyes and begin to observe their breath.  Instruct them to begin to breath more deeply inhaling in for 7 to 10 seconds and exhaling through the nose for the same time.  Repeat this exercise for several minutes. 

Anytime you see agitation tumbling onto rudeness and anger take a time-out to breathe.  Students will begin to practice this and take their cues.  Compassion does not come naturally.  For students to truly become wiser they need a wise and compassionate teacher.